Back to sharing my monthly themes to work on. I wrote one theme down intuitively for each month of the year on January, and now in perspective I can see how they have made so much sense.
After July and August working on Giving and Receiving, I am back to a place of observing from a distance my own life.
Since 2012 everything has shifted completely. From a steady and controlled routine, to a nomadic lifestyle. From an inner turmoil of wanting to be free and just go, to another inner turmoil for wanting to find my place in the world. To find my place in myself. To find acceptance in myself. To stop obsessing so much over perfection and joining my outer movements of following wherever the heart leads.
A lot of people who know me have told me how brave I am to live how I do, but in truth, I am a coward. I live how I do because I am confused, because my inner voice gets constantly hidden by other voices and I just run and run hoping that if I move quickly enough I won’t hear them.
How I love to blame others instead of taking responsibility. That’s why this is what bothers me the most in everyone else, because it’s a reflection of myself.
And I am done. It’s time to listen, to recollect all I have experienced and learnt and let myself guide myself. I am done putting roadblocks on my own path home. I understand many things with my mind, but it’s time I let my heart truly know that it’s ok. That nothing is ever perfect. And that that exactly is the beauty of it all…
It takes time to love oneself enough, even if it ‘shouldn’t’ be that way… I am willing to give myself that time and space now.