I was thinking about what I really want to do in this life that has been gifted to me, and now I can say without fear, guilt or shame, that I don’t know.
I think this is one of the greatest gifts my practice has given me. The acceptance of the unknown and the strength to survive it.
What practice? Some of you ask me sometimes. The tools I use for self-knowledge and reflection have been many, including writing, body movement, breath, lucid dreaming, study of philosophy, therapy (Jungian/depth psychology), study of myths, legends, stories and symbols, astrology, alchemy, Tarot, art (study of it and actually making symbolic art) and yoga (all parts of it especially it’s philosophical and psychological approach) and meditation (from all backgrounds, spiritual practices and religions).
These are my tools. I have been using them since I can remember (only yoga and meditation came later in life, around 12 years ago now). But each of us has a distinct way of being alive, and each of us must find what works best to be able to actually live our lives.
Yes, my greatest fear is living. Fear of freedom of choice. Fear of being solely responsible for myself. Fear that everything is actually possible. Fear of the immensity and eternity of life. I still live with this fear, but the tools I have chosen (or, have they chosen me?) help me keep a greater perspective on being here and now.
When I deeply think and feel what I want for my life, there is always this voice that whispers that all I want is for everyone to find their own personal tools… to live their lives. I don’t know how yet, when or where, but I feel somehow this is the key of being here, in service, as I always felt I came to be.