There is a deeper sense of gratitude when i feel there is an ending… a limit, a change, a transformation… a beginning really.
For me, gratitude stems from the deeper sense that All That Is, is ephemeral, and in its waning and waxing eternally, is constantly dying.
Death has never been something to fear for me. It is the not knowing how to live that creates the immeasurable suffering on many planes. How to live with the Unknown, how to live with loss, how to grieve the transformation of others that are out of our control. If even we ourselves are out of our control… We…just Are.
It doesn’t work the way I thought I was taught. Be a good girl and good things happen. Even if that voice was an illusion of my own hearing, it had its part and purpose. But being good doesn’t change the fact that suffering is inherent in a dual existence. What does it mean anyway? Everything is good or bad always from a different perspective. There is that pain of sustaining the polarities until the explosion bursts open a heart that thought it couldn’t love anymore. But the only thing it has ever done and will do is love.
Gratitude to endings and death and renewal of a world lost in an imaginal concoction that just needed that magical last touch. To be seen. To be heard. And just like that, after the magic word has been uttered and the preconceptions are left behind, what once was just a dream becomes truly real… at last…